I love you

It's not about what you think. That's actually the name of a song on a cd I picked up tonight. And yes, I STILL buy cd's. I dont care what you tell me -- I think they sound better than just downloading songs. So, the song is on the new Eli Young Band cd and it's about how everybody does something to fill a void they may have, or to keep them entertained -- stealing, drinking, fill in the blank. The guy in the song, however, loves her.

So I started thinking about how I used to fill the void in my life with something other than love. And what I substituted turned into an obsession and was a double edged sword. I ran. I ran like Forrest -- I just kept run-nen. I dropped nearly 35 pounds and looked phenominal. For a while. Then when I continued to lose weight I guess I looked bad. Or so my friends and family tell me now. But, when I'm back to my original weight it wouldnt be very nice of them to tell me how bad I look now!

I started running again on a daily basis about two weeks ago. Not because I need something to fill the emptiness in my heart. Lord knows my that if I could get any happier then I might explode and shower everyone around me in glitter, rainbows and kittens (because I associate these things with being happy). I'm marrying the most wonderful man in 6 weeks, work is going well, I have amazing friends, and supportive family. I'm pretty friggin happy!

I started running again because I have not been diligent or paying any attention whatsoever to what I was eating and I was "too busy" and "too tired" to exercise by the time I got home from work. I ran around Dunwoody this summer because it was easy and right outside my door when I had an urge. I didnt enjoy it though. I havent really enjoyed running in a very long time.

I found a new place to run near work. I dont give myself the opportunity to wimp out. But I forgot my ipod at home yesterday and "damnit!!!" was what I said as I scolded myself. About 3 minutes into my run I was SO glad that I didnt have Taylor Swift, Kesha, or whomever else may have flooded into my ears singing to me. Instead, I had a chance to listen and remember why I love running. I expereienced the pounding of my feet on the boards of the boardwalk. I heard the crickets. I heard birds singing and conversing in their own dialects and sounds through the trees around me. I heard the wind rustle the plants along the edges of the boardwalk. I noticed the changing of the color of the leaves. And I was able to concentrate on my breathing and pushing myself to run farther. I became a runner again instead of just someone who runs.

I may not have the void to fill anymore, but I can still enjoy the thing that filled up the hole in my heart until something else more wonderful and lasting came along.